This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
