I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
