sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
