You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
