I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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