We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
