Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
