Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
