I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
