I love black thongs
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
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During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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