I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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