I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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