I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
