I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
