May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
a search helicopter?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How does one acquire holy water?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
