Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize