the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
