so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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