Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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