this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
