dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
