We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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