Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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