How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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