do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
