I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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