If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize