these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
