Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
