Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
