if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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