He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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