Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
