It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
