Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ketchup is God's man juice
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I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...