I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.