Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
