Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize