My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"