Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna fight the coyote