dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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