More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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