the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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