i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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