Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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