"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.