Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.