I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.