THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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