I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
