Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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