there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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