I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
