It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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