The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
