I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
