Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
