I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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