Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
