Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
