I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
