Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
