if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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