brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
