At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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